(Please be advised and forewarned. The 'tongue in cheek' factor of the following article is somewhere around 99 on a scale of 100. 100 being the highest)


So you want to be a rock 'n' roll star?
You seek fame and fortune? Must be, why else would you be here.

This time around we will supply you with everything you will need to reach your goal. Everything from rock school to removable tattoos. The first thing we have for you is an online rock 'n' roll school to attend and interact with. We will tell you where to find a roadie. We can tell you where the cleanest bathrooms can be found worldwide thus making your upcoming tour a little more pleasant. We will check up on those paragons and inspirations of rockdom, 'Spinal Tap'. We will clue you in on to where to buy the coolest clothes. For you potential guy rock stars we will hook you up with Groupie Central. For the would be gal rock stars we will introduce you to the seemingly new phenomena of guy Groupies. Have a problem making decisions? Not to worry, the answers are in the cards and we will tell you where to seek them. So get out your note pads and sharpen your pencils, here we go!

Rock School
Ok, so there is no diploma or cap and gown ceremony upon graduation. Despite that, I promise, if you stick to it and take advantage of everything Crispin Wood has created for his side splitting funny website, you will be more than prepared for the world of rock 'n' roll. Rock School is 100% Crispin's creation, he has created, written, drawn, animated, and produced what is - hands down - one of the funniest sites on the web.

Spinal Tap
Done with school? Let's have a look at the lessons in action (drum roll please):

Worshipped by many, understood by few, those rock legends known as 'Spinal Tap' are back!

Thats right! England's loudest band, is back from the dead and their Summer 2001 tour across America is well underway. The group promises concerts guaranteed to be both Live and Loud. Come see the masters in action!

Ok, you have gone to school and you have visited the masters, so lets get ready for the big push.

The New Wardrobe...
First lets go shopping for the right clothing. Dragonfly Clothing offers a great selection of rock 'n' roll threads to get you off on the right foot (actually they have great stuff, well worth the visit).

Body Art
All respectable rock 'n' roll types have tatoos, it's a simply an unwritten rule. Not ready to commit to permanent body art, but still want to be cool? There is an answer: The Mountain Idea company offers Tattoos you can make at home with your inkjet printer! Think of the possibilities.

The Essentials
So, you have your equipment (did you pay attention in school?), your new wardrobe and your tatoos. Let's see - there is something missing, something else we need before hitting the road, hummm... A roadie and groupies!
Not to worry, we have you covered. Roadie.Net has lots of people ready and willing to hit the road with you. The Top Ten Tour Bus Rules they have listed there are also required reading for all up and coming rock stars.
Looking for some real insight as to what rock 'n' roll is all about? What it is really like to be a star? Looking for some possible companionship while on the road or in a strange city? You may want to check out Groupie Central. These ladies have been around and can offer you sage advice you will find nowhere else. Speaking of ladies, all you potential female rock 'n' roll stars should have a look at Guy Groupie. Bryan Reesman reports that the rise of female rock stars has generated a new breed of boy toy: Guy Groupies. He talks about it here.

On the Road
When you find yourself on the road, you will soon discover that there is nothing more important or comforting than a nice clean restroom. Well guess what, we have a list that spans the globe right here in at The Bathroom Diaries. Perhaps they say it best: "When nature calls, even intrepid travelers (or in our case rock stars) prefer to make a comfortable reply. In this spirit, the bathroom diaries.com locate clean, free restrooms around the world."

We all need a little help...

If after going to school and learning from the masters you find your career is going no place, perhaps a visit to Miss Cleo is on order. As she says on the webpage: "There is no need to go through life alone. Our MASTER PSYCHICS are here to assist you and provide you with answers and guidance" Just remember to get paid by the concert promoter before calling. Miss Cleo can get very expensive.